Congratulations, I don't give a f###

...or just enough to rant about it.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby. Brittney Spears is pregnant again. Who the f### cares?

Sorry Tom, "Suri" does not mean "red rose." It means "red," the universal color of prostitution. Oh but don't tell Tom that: "You don't know about translation! I do!" The newsanchor the other day said, in preface to ANOTHER story, "everyone's talking about Tom's new baby." No, beg to differ, YOU keep talking about Tom's baby! The media! Enough already! The two of them will be divorced in another, oh, year tops (being extremely liberal), and will have added another child-from-a-broken home to this country.

Don't people get it? People magazine exhalts the marriage of a dream couple only to literally mourn the "unexpected" split of the same couple in the NEXT EDITION. I can predict the course of hollywood marriages as accurately as I can predict the course of my s### into the toilet bowl!

And Brittney? She's this close to dangling children out of windows and seven months after the first, she's popping out another one, proving quite efficiently that she does, in fact, have a first-class ticket on the white-trash wagon.

I abhor celebrity news. We should just leave them all alone and limit our encounters with them to a large screen in a dark room. I actually don't want to see any movie with Tom Cruise because a.) I think he's a dumb-ass and b.) I've seen his face enough already, I'm sick of it.

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