The letter of the law & the spirit of America

Illegal immigrants. At one point we were all "illegal" immigrants to this land, and immigrants made this land. Immigration is the foundation of America, the hand that built America, and the vehicle for the search of the American dream.

I do not believe that we can allow immigrants to use the services of this country without paying their share and carrying their weight. But they should be given the chance to do so.

I suppose, without knowing much about illegal immigrants, that there are two types. Those who come thinking life will be easier if they can exploit the United States' social services, and those thinking they'll have more opportunities to support themselves and make an honest living. I have issues with legal citizens who abuse welfare or other services, so I wouldn't have much sympathy for free loaders. As for the latter, I believe they're coming in search of a better life and a way to feed their families and give their families a future. They're not criminal masterminds with malicious intentions.

Immediately deporting all 11 mil or so illegal immigrants (illegrants -- its quicker to type) in this country is ridiculous and would no doubt cause economic damage to this country. I do believe that illegrants in part take jobs that Americans don't want, and they do it for cheaper. Many companies have come to depend on this cheap labor. I'm not saying it's "right," shouldn't be changed, or that it's the ideal system, but it IS the system right now. Immediate deportation would force thousands of companies to hire minimum-wage or higher-paid employees, which would force costs to rise, the bankruptcy of many companies, and an economic backlash that would hurt the country's economy. Immediate deportation is quite simply wreckless--to this country and to millions of lives.

Illegrants should be allowed the chance to become legal, but they should have to make a choice: work towards citizenship and the responsibilities that entails, or go home. If they're the type that want a free ride, they shouldn't be here.

How to prevent illegration in the future? Well, if we're that concerned about it, build a wall along the border of Mexico. But to be fair, may as well build one up on the 49th parallel, too. I hear illegal squirrel immigration is a problem up there--they take our nuts and crap in our woods, but they don't pay taxes (though some argue they only take the nuts American squirrels don't want and their crap is a good furtilizer for future nut-bearing trees).

But make little gates along the wall and set up little offices, like mini Ellis Islands. We could create a few thousand jobs with a Department of Border-Crossing Registration, where immigrants sign their name on the line, have a tracking device implanted into their skin, and are eligible to apply for Illegrant-wage jobs (a standard rate lower than minimum for Jobs Americans Don't Want (JADW), a national index of unwanted jobs). But the JADW has a union, United Workers of Unwanted Jobs (UWUJ), which works to gradually increase the illegrant-wage. (By now "illegrant" has made it into the mainstream thanks to a clever blogger.) These then semillegant workers can work towards full citizenship, at which point they have the tracking device removed (unless Republicans stay in power), and can apply for jobs that Americans would rather not have to do.

I think what I'm getting it is that it's very hard to actually "solve" this "problem" without some absurd scheme.

Immigration imbued America with its spirit, so we should approach the issue with some soul.